Life is full of them...everyday little ones, seemingly insignificant ones, the ones we never see or never think about are happening... like the shedding of our hair or dead skin cells, a flower fading, the morning dew evaporating, leaves falling. I mean do we ever think about those little changes? I know I rarely do.
How much do I take the Love of my Father God for granted...in the midst of the everyday?
How much do I take the Forgiveness of my Father God for granted...in the midst of the everyday?
How much do I take the precious gift of Jesus Christ for granted...in the midst of the everyday?
Has my faith become mundane? A daily ritual, a going through the motions, a doing what is right just for the sake of doing it.... OR is my faith ALIVE, growing, breathing, changing... Like the big changes we see & notice in the world around us, the ones that are hard to miss... the sunrise or sunset, the stages of the moon from new to full, the first blooms of spring, a blanket of fresh white snow in the morning, a thunderstorm, rain after it has been so dry...
My personal life has been full of changes recently, my son & his classmates (21 in all) have graduated after spending nearly 12 or 13 years together (for most of them). They became a family & are "my kids". This change was hard, it was one I saw coming for a long time & anticipated, yet feared too. In 37 days, we will take him 8 hours from home into a whole new world called college. Our home will be empty...a change that is definitely hard to miss! So what will I do in the midst of this change? (and all the other hard things that are going on right now...ya know that feeling you get when the waves just keep coming-that's kind of where I am! Enough on that though, you get the picture and we all have them... so insert your hard thing here)
Will I hide or will I thrive?
As I walk through these personal life changes, God has been drawing me back to His music! If you look at my facebook page, you will notice that His music is all over my wall right now! There is such a reason for that, and while I don't get the whole of His reasons right now, I do get this...I am wired to worship... what will I worship? I am doing my best to choose God...
Here is where I landed the other day,
God, I trust You... because You promise a hope that doesn't ever end...when everything seems to appear to be falling apart around us or the oceans seem to be rising or a tragedy finds us....YOU gives us the strength to
rise...to find a new beginning...YOU ARE the ONLY HOPE for this heart!
So back to these "changes", did you know that the little changes can make the biggest difference. If we can take notice of the small things in our lives & begin to make changes there (or not), we begin to effect those around us. For example, take the Israelites...They were a nation, held captive in Egypt... a rather large nation that had become slaves... How in the world did this happen?
Traced back you can see it began with Joseph & his brothers/ They had felt angry one day, probably many days toward their little brother Joseph. Instead of dealing with this anger, they allowed it to take root-and finally one day, that anger had built to such a level that they actually contemplated ridding themselves of Joseph FOR GOOD...like permanently gone from the face of this earth... WHOA!!!! Stop right there...how in the world could these guys raised in a "good home" seriously consider murdering their little brother? It all started with the little seed of anger that was allowed to grow. Fortunately for Joseph, one of his brother's had enough sense to realize that they really did NOT want Joseph's blood on their hands...so, let's just "make this problem go away" and sell him! YUP, that will fix it all...we will sell him and then whatever happens AT LEAST we know we didn't kill him! So we aren't THAT bad right? (how do I justify my choices in my life?)
Years pass, confusing, sad, heartbreaking years...and eventually Joseph rises to power-for it was seen that he was a good man, an honorable man...though I'm pretty sure when he sat in that prison he wasn't having the best of thought toward his brothers...I'm sure he had to "work through" some things! Anyway, he is in power and who happens to appear before him...needing HIS help...those same stinking brothers who threw him in a pit, sold him as a slave and never really told him why...REVENGE???? Perhaps...he spoke harshly to them when he first saw them, made untrue accusations at them, bribes them with their freedom,... all in just one visit...well, they came back...and eventually we see that Joseph forgives his brothers & has ALL 11 of them & their families come join them in Egypt to SAVE them from the famine... Joseph chose forgiveness over anger. I mean he had EVERY RIGHT to be angry didn't he?
You see God worked what Joseph's brothers intended for evil into good-saving the entire nation of Israel from famine-Joseph saw that "little thing" and allowed it to be changed!
However,fast forward a number of years and there was a lasting consequence that came from that "little bit of anger" left unchecked by his brothers...Exodus 1:8-11, tells us that sometime after Joseph died a new ruler came into power who knew nothing of Joseph. He decided the nation of Israel was TOO BIG and so he enslaved them! How did this happen?
It was a "slow fade"...a little jealousy, a little anger and a little envy left unchecked. And the course of a nation was changed...
So I ask you this, what "little thing" might God be showing you and asking you to change? While it may not change the course of a nation...it WILL change the course of your life given the chance. For me...it was time I turned back to His music to fill me!
Check out these links,to read or listen to some of the things that spurred these thoughts today:
http://devotions.proverbs31.org/2011/07/just-a-little-sin.html
http://youtu.be/QASREBVDsLk
July 16, 2011
April 1, 2011
Part 5-Extra Grace Required-Jesus on Difficult People
Today... short & to the point to wrap up the topic... I know many may not have ever seen these entries and that is ok... I just hope that we will all take a look at how we deal with difficult people... I mean really folks... come on ... ya know we ALL HAVE THEM IN OUR LIVES!!! So here it is...
The best strategy for dealing with difficult people is Christ's strategy.
As you can see, there is really only one effective behavior on this entire grid. There is only one behavior that effectively moves a situation toward resolution. In closing let me call your attention to Jesus’ words in Matthew 18:15-17 (NIV). "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or tax collector."
Project truth. Be proactive when someone sins against you. Show him his fault. Tell him about the impact of his actions or words. Project grace. If he refuses to listen, treat him like a pagan or tax collector. Treat him as a person outside the family of Christ, as a potential Christian, and as a person who needs to know the love and forgiveness of Christ.
You can never go wrong with Christ-like behavior.
So friends... I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic...
The best strategy for dealing with difficult people is Christ's strategy.
As you can see, there is really only one effective behavior on this entire grid. There is only one behavior that effectively moves a situation toward resolution. In closing let me call your attention to Jesus’ words in Matthew 18:15-17 (NIV). "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or tax collector."
Project truth. Be proactive when someone sins against you. Show him his fault. Tell him about the impact of his actions or words. Project grace. If he refuses to listen, treat him like a pagan or tax collector. Treat him as a person outside the family of Christ, as a potential Christian, and as a person who needs to know the love and forgiveness of Christ.
You can never go wrong with Christ-like behavior.
So friends... I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic...
March 29, 2011
Part 4-Extra Grace Required-Jesus on Difficult People
Sorry I missed a couple days in here...Life got quite busy for a bit there and having a few extra minutes at my computer just didn't happen. Today our focus is going to be some of the "wrong" approaches we tend to take when faced with difficult people... Weigh in below peeps!
We often use the wrong approaches when dealing with difficult people.
Bully
Sometimes we project truth, but withdraw grace. We pump up our dominance, angrily take charge of a situation, and become a bull in a china shop. We recklessly tear into a situation without gaining understanding or perspective. We force our ideas, we use one-way communication, intimidate, interrupt, become belligerent, make demands, coerce, argue, and become closed-minded. We in essence, bully people to act in conformity with our wishes. The combination of truth and no grace can get quick results. But in the end it doesn’t really resolve anything. It polarizes people. It exacerbates the problem. It builds walls instead of bridges. It leads to ongoing power struggles between whatever parties are involved. In the upper left hand corner you can write "bully" or "jerk."
Postal syndrome
Another combination is when we withdraw truth and withdraw grace from a situation. First, we take a passive, submissive, weak, or compliant posture out of fear or insecurity. We don’t want to create problems. We don’t want to lose our jobs. We don’t want to get in a fight, or make waves, or become controversial, or be unpopular. We become doormats and we let others walk on us. But then at the same time we take a hostile, unresponsive posture toward a person out of anger or hatred. We lick our wounds. We tally their sins. We suppress our true feelings and emotions. We turn inward and become introspective. We secretly plot their demise and wish evil on them.
Some people refer to this as the postal syndrome. This is when a post office worker everyone thought of as "quiet" and a "nice worker" suddenly shows up at work with an automatic rifle and shoots his coworkers and boss. There were a number of such occurrences years ago. The postal syndrome is the result of a person letting his anger fester for years until he can take it no more. Then he explodes in violence! It's the profile of the shooters at Columbine and of the people involved in other school and workplace shootings. So if you want, write "postal" in the lower left hand corner.
Enabling
The other combination is that we project grace while withdrawing truth. Instead of dealing with the problem we just let things happen. We show the same weakness, compliance, and submissiveness as the last profile. But instead of getting angry, we try to appease the aggressor. We want to be accepted and loved. We want to be popular and keep people happy. So we meander and compromise while the whole world around us deteriorates. We smooth over differences and conflict. We value harmony over truth. We enable. We speak falsehoods to achieve artificial peace. We seek to become one big happy family or country club. In the lower right hand corner you can write "pals."
So just reflect on these various approaches to difficult people and situations. What happens when we act like a jerk with difficult people? Projecting truth at the expense of grace? It provokes. It exacerbates the problem. It creates hostilities! What happens when we go postal with difficult people? Withdrawing truth and grace. Burying our hurts. Wishing evil on others. It backfires. It destroys us. What happens when we pal around with difficult people? Projecting grace at the expense of truth? It enables them. We get taken advantage of. What happens when we show Christ-like behavior with difficult people?
My final thought on today's post... I think in many ways I am naturally an "enabler" I will offer grace at times at the cost of truth..."walking a mile in someone else's shoes" and while there is good in that... I cannot sacrifice truth in the process... even though I may want to out of fear of being rejected...
So what is "the best approach" to dealing with difficult people... tune in next time!
We often use the wrong approaches when dealing with difficult people.
Bully
Sometimes we project truth, but withdraw grace. We pump up our dominance, angrily take charge of a situation, and become a bull in a china shop. We recklessly tear into a situation without gaining understanding or perspective. We force our ideas, we use one-way communication, intimidate, interrupt, become belligerent, make demands, coerce, argue, and become closed-minded. We in essence, bully people to act in conformity with our wishes. The combination of truth and no grace can get quick results. But in the end it doesn’t really resolve anything. It polarizes people. It exacerbates the problem. It builds walls instead of bridges. It leads to ongoing power struggles between whatever parties are involved. In the upper left hand corner you can write "bully" or "jerk."
Postal syndrome
Another combination is when we withdraw truth and withdraw grace from a situation. First, we take a passive, submissive, weak, or compliant posture out of fear or insecurity. We don’t want to create problems. We don’t want to lose our jobs. We don’t want to get in a fight, or make waves, or become controversial, or be unpopular. We become doormats and we let others walk on us. But then at the same time we take a hostile, unresponsive posture toward a person out of anger or hatred. We lick our wounds. We tally their sins. We suppress our true feelings and emotions. We turn inward and become introspective. We secretly plot their demise and wish evil on them.
Some people refer to this as the postal syndrome. This is when a post office worker everyone thought of as "quiet" and a "nice worker" suddenly shows up at work with an automatic rifle and shoots his coworkers and boss. There were a number of such occurrences years ago. The postal syndrome is the result of a person letting his anger fester for years until he can take it no more. Then he explodes in violence! It's the profile of the shooters at Columbine and of the people involved in other school and workplace shootings. So if you want, write "postal" in the lower left hand corner.
Enabling
The other combination is that we project grace while withdrawing truth. Instead of dealing with the problem we just let things happen. We show the same weakness, compliance, and submissiveness as the last profile. But instead of getting angry, we try to appease the aggressor. We want to be accepted and loved. We want to be popular and keep people happy. So we meander and compromise while the whole world around us deteriorates. We smooth over differences and conflict. We value harmony over truth. We enable. We speak falsehoods to achieve artificial peace. We seek to become one big happy family or country club. In the lower right hand corner you can write "pals."
So just reflect on these various approaches to difficult people and situations. What happens when we act like a jerk with difficult people? Projecting truth at the expense of grace? It provokes. It exacerbates the problem. It creates hostilities! What happens when we go postal with difficult people? Withdrawing truth and grace. Burying our hurts. Wishing evil on others. It backfires. It destroys us. What happens when we pal around with difficult people? Projecting grace at the expense of truth? It enables them. We get taken advantage of. What happens when we show Christ-like behavior with difficult people?
My final thought on today's post... I think in many ways I am naturally an "enabler" I will offer grace at times at the cost of truth..."walking a mile in someone else's shoes" and while there is good in that... I cannot sacrifice truth in the process... even though I may want to out of fear of being rejected...
So what is "the best approach" to dealing with difficult people... tune in next time!
March 25, 2011
Part 3-Extra Grace Required-Jesus on Difficult People
We must be willing to project truth.
The first dimension relates to our willingness to project truth. On your bulletin or a scratch piece of paper draw a vertical line down the center of your page. At the top of the line write "projects truth" and at the bottom write "withholds truth." I am not talking about being extroverted instead of being introverted. I am talking about our willingness to inject truth into a situation that concerns us. Our willingness to stand on principle, to convey our beliefs, to take necessary risks with the difficult people in our lives, and to speak and act with conviction. Some lean toward projecting truth, while others tend to withhold truth from people.
Jesus believed that wherever it was championed, the truth would set us free. But he also knew that the inverse was true. Whenever we hold back truth, it destroys freedom. We become enslaved to people and their bad behaviors. One reason difficult people become so difficult is because we enable their behavior. We value our security so much that we refuse to take a risk and speak the truth. We don’t show people the truth of how their behavior impacts us and other people. We don’t show people the truth of how their lack of character diminishes their credibility, destroys workplace morale, impacts their relationships with God, damages their families, or whatever.
We assume that they see their behavior as we see it. We assume that they know how destructive their words and actions are. We assume that they know how deeply they are hurting us and those around them. And so we just keep quiet! In the end we allow ourselves to become enslaved to their senseless behavior because we don’t have the courage to project the truth and say to them, "Hey! Enough. Here is the damage you are causing. Here is what I see. Here is what others see. Here is God’s assessment. Here is cause and effect."
The truth is that most of the difficult people in our lives have no clue how they truly make us feel or how their behavior is impacting us. No one ever tells them! They are the way they are because no one has taken the risk and clued them in. Our problem isn’t knowing the truth, it is projecting the truth. It is telling our teenager, our mom or dad, our boss, our supervisor, our coworker, our pastor, our teacher, our neighbor, that difficult person in our life, "This is how your behavior is impacting me." It is putting an end to the falsehoods that enable their bad behavior.
We must be willing to project grace.
The second dimension relates to our willingness to project grace. On your bulletin draw a horizontal line across your page. On the left end of the line write "withholds grace" and to the right write "projects grace." This refers to our ability to show concern or regard for other people. Our ability to discipline our tongues and bodies, to take the high road, to convey warmth, to seek the ultimate good for another person, to build up and not destroy, and to forgive. Contrary to popular opinion, the ability to project grace takes tremendous inner character and strength. It is a quality that is truly of God. And it is in no way a sign of weakness.
The importance of grace is captured in 1 Peter 4:8 (NIV). "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." Love means staying above the fray. It means seeking understanding before doing something or saying something foolish. It means being favorably disposed, even toward our enemies. It means being full of the fruit of the Spirit which includes things like peace, patience, goodness, gentleness, kindness, and self-control. Love never provokes sin, neither in us or other people. It draws out the best in people, no matter how obnoxious or selfish or cruel they may be.
The challenge for us is to harmonize grace and truth with people and to demonstrate Christ-like behavior. In the upper right hand corner write "Christ-like behavior." So our goal is to project truth while also projecting grace. We need to stand up for what is right while also showing the love of Jesus Christ. To not show either truth or grace at the expense of the other individually, but always to show truth and grace together. So let’s talk about what we typically do wrong when dealing with difficult people.
I'm saving that part for tomorrow's post... so be sure to check back in...
While you are waitingt, take a few moments & draw out the diagram the author suggested... then will you ponder with me... "which quadrant do I think I fall into?"
For me, I think i lean a little to hard on projecting grace and not enough on projecting truth... I get scared that truth will hurt someone, so I get very nervous... is it my truth or is it God's truth? So I tend to err on the side of grace... is that a bad thing? I don't think so... HOWEVER, I need to speak truth too...to myself & sometimes to others! It is my hope & prayer that I am moving toward a balanced projection of grace & truth-to become more Christ-like in my behavior everyday!
The first dimension relates to our willingness to project truth. On your
Jesus believed that wherever it was championed, the truth would set us free. But he also knew that the inverse was true. Whenever we hold back truth, it destroys freedom. We become enslaved to people and their bad behaviors. One reason difficult people become so difficult is because we enable their behavior. We value our security so much that we refuse to take a risk and speak the truth. We don’t show people the truth of how their behavior impacts us and other people. We don’t show people the truth of how their lack of character diminishes their credibility, destroys workplace morale, impacts their relationships with God, damages their families, or whatever.
We assume that they see their behavior as we see it. We assume that they know how destructive their words and actions are. We assume that they know how deeply they are hurting us and those around them. And so we just keep quiet! In the end we allow ourselves to become enslaved to their senseless behavior because we don’t have the courage to project the truth and say to them, "Hey! Enough. Here is the damage you are causing. Here is what I see. Here is what others see. Here is God’s assessment. Here is cause and effect."
The truth is that most of the difficult people in our lives have no clue how they truly make us feel or how their behavior is impacting us. No one ever tells them! They are the way they are because no one has taken the risk and clued them in. Our problem isn’t knowing the truth, it is projecting the truth. It is telling our teenager, our mom or dad, our boss, our supervisor, our coworker, our pastor, our teacher, our neighbor, that difficult person in our life, "This is how your behavior is impacting me." It is putting an end to the falsehoods that enable their bad behavior.
We must be willing to project grace.
The second dimension relates to our willingness to project grace. On your bulletin draw a horizontal line across your page. On the left end of the line write "withholds grace" and to the right write "projects grace." This refers to our ability to show concern or regard for other people. Our ability to discipline our tongues and bodies, to take the high road, to convey warmth, to seek the ultimate good for another person, to build up and not destroy, and to forgive. Contrary to popular opinion, the ability to project grace takes tremendous inner character and strength. It is a quality that is truly of God. And it is in no way a sign of weakness.
The importance of grace is captured in 1 Peter 4:8 (NIV). "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." Love means staying above the fray. It means seeking understanding before doing something or saying something foolish. It means being favorably disposed, even toward our enemies. It means being full of the fruit of the Spirit which includes things like peace, patience, goodness, gentleness, kindness, and self-control. Love never provokes sin, neither in us or other people. It draws out the best in people, no matter how obnoxious or selfish or cruel they may be.
The challenge for us is to harmonize grace and truth with people and to demonstrate Christ-like behavior. In the upper right hand corner write "Christ-like behavior." So our goal is to project truth while also projecting grace. We need to stand up for what is right while also showing the love of Jesus Christ. To not show either truth or grace at the expense of the other individually, but always to show truth and grace together. So let’s talk about what we typically do wrong when dealing with difficult people.
I'm saving that part for tomorrow's post... so be sure to check back in...
While you are waitingt, take a few moments & draw out the diagram the author suggested... then will you ponder with me... "which quadrant do I think I fall into?"
For me, I think i lean a little to hard on projecting grace and not enough on projecting truth... I get scared that truth will hurt someone, so I get very nervous... is it my truth or is it God's truth? So I tend to err on the side of grace... is that a bad thing? I don't think so... HOWEVER, I need to speak truth too...to myself & sometimes to others! It is my hope & prayer that I am moving toward a balanced projection of grace & truth-to become more Christ-like in my behavior everyday!
March 24, 2011
Part 2-Extra Grace Required-Jesus on Difficult People
Jesus dealt with lots of difficult people.
When you read the New Testament you will notice that Jesus was constantly surrounded by difficult people of every degree. People who didn’t understand, who didn’t like him, who were threatened by him, and who were even trying to kill him. Jesus never reacted violently to the difficult people in his life. Could you imagine what would have happened if he would have reacted violently? If he would have commanded his angels, or if he would have flexed the muscle of God, or if he would have commanded the elements of nature, or unleashed the torrents of hell?
Jesus would have been one bad dude! No one would have messed with him. But as it was, Jesus restrained himself. He did not become violent or careless. But Jesus wasn’t a doormat either. He confronted his enemies. But intead of confronting them with swords, daggers, threats, or insults, Jesus confronted his enemies with a forceful mixture of grace and truth. He didn’t muddle up grace with passivity, or truth with violence. Instead, he brought grace and truth together in perfect harmony and delivered one devastating, paralyzing blow after another to the difficult people in his life.
Jesus has a lot to teach us about dealing with the difficult people in our lives. But we must consider his overall way of life and the sum total of all his teachings in order to develop an effective strategy for handling difficult people. To accomplish this I want to introduce you to a simple concept that captures the essence of Jesus' effective behavior when dealing with difficult people.
Let me begin by saying that our behavior is critically important. Our behavior toward people really does influence their behavior toward us. More often than not, our behavior with difficult people determines whether that person will continue being a difficult person. There are two dimensions of behavior that we need to be concerned about all the time.
More tomorrow...
Yeah, I know today's post is pretty short... but I am curious what 2 dimensions of behavior YOU think we need to be concerned about in light of how we treat other people while trying to follow Jesus' example?
When you read the New Testament you will notice that Jesus was constantly surrounded by difficult people of every degree. People who didn’t understand, who didn’t like him, who were threatened by him, and who were even trying to kill him. Jesus never reacted violently to the difficult people in his life. Could you imagine what would have happened if he would have reacted violently? If he would have commanded his angels, or if he would have flexed the muscle of God, or if he would have commanded the elements of nature, or unleashed the torrents of hell?
Jesus would have been one bad dude! No one would have messed with him. But as it was, Jesus restrained himself. He did not become violent or careless. But Jesus wasn’t a doormat either. He confronted his enemies. But intead of confronting them with swords, daggers, threats, or insults, Jesus confronted his enemies with a forceful mixture of grace and truth. He didn’t muddle up grace with passivity, or truth with violence. Instead, he brought grace and truth together in perfect harmony and delivered one devastating, paralyzing blow after another to the difficult people in his life.
Jesus has a lot to teach us about dealing with the difficult people in our lives. But we must consider his overall way of life and the sum total of all his teachings in order to develop an effective strategy for handling difficult people. To accomplish this I want to introduce you to a simple concept that captures the essence of Jesus' effective behavior when dealing with difficult people.
Let me begin by saying that our behavior is critically important. Our behavior toward people really does influence their behavior toward us. More often than not, our behavior with difficult people determines whether that person will continue being a difficult person. There are two dimensions of behavior that we need to be concerned about all the time.
More tomorrow...
Yeah, I know today's post is pretty short... but I am curious what 2 dimensions of behavior YOU think we need to be concerned about in light of how we treat other people while trying to follow Jesus' example?
March 23, 2011
Extra Grace Required... Jesus on Difficult People
Grab your favorite cuppa something, maybe a little chocolate and join me...
This is a topic I have wrestled with most of my life... How am I to treat the difficult people (or as I often am heard calling them ~ "EGR"-Extra Grace Required ) that have been placed in my life? As I've searched scripture, picked the brains of women I admire-those who aren't afraid to speak truth yet do it in such a way as to build up not tear down, prayed ALOT and then moved in the way God directed I have come to this point in my life... It is truth & grace together with love! I must speak up WHEN God is leading me to! I must look inward WHEN God tells me to! It isn't always about the "other" person, sometimes it is as much about me as it is them! Learning the difference is challenging.
Today, thanks to a dear friend, I have read an article that can be found at this link that has put into words EXACTLY what I've tried to tell people when they ask me how I deal with the difficult people in my life.
I am going to repost the link in parts on here (and hopefully share some of my own thoughts too) so that you can all read and absorb with me what Lakeside Christian Church shared back in August 2003.
I try very hard not to "land" on what man says, I try to "land" on God's Word...I feel like this article takes an honest look at how we want to react... Yet it takes us back to Jesus, His teachings & His real-life example of how to respond to difficult people (or circumstances for that matter). THAT is why I appreciate the authors words so much and why I think they resonated so clearly to me. His "reactions" are very much my own...however, I am called to respond NOT react (another post on that in the future).
Read on won't you? (don't forget to leave your thoughts in the comments!! I LOVE to hear from you too)
PART 1-Difficult People
All of us have difficult people in our lives. My wife has been married to a difficult person for over seven years. She has tried to tell me what it's like, but I just won’t hear of it!
Difficult people are special. They are always there for us when others aren’t, but especially on our bad days. When all hope seems lost. They have an uncanny way of saying things that just dampens the day! They can always be counted on to bring out the worst in us, to be obtuse and disagreeable, to make easy things impossible, to put a negative spin on the things we do, to speak ill of us, or to ignite an inextinguishable fire in our bellies. You know, they do all the very same things Satan does.
The Bible says in Isaiah 40:6 (NIV), "All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of God remains forever." Something else that remains forever are difficult people. As much as we wish they would, they never go away!
I don’t think we have ever been taught how to deal with difficult people. I sure wish that I had been taught how to deal with difficult people when I was in high school. Those were some of the toughest years of my life. As a freshman, I had guys who bullied me daily. They'd insult and humiliate me in front of my friends, slam me into the locker, knock my books out of my hands, and destroy my art or shop projects. One guy blew snot on me. Those guys weren’t just difficult. They might also be characterized as evil.
Two poor strategies for dealing with difficult people
But I only knew how to respond with one of two extremes. The first extreme was to punch them in the mouth. To physically and violently react, to join them on their level, and give them a taste of their own medicine. In high school I did weight training not for athletic reasons, but for survival. I wanted to become stronger and tougher than my enemies so as to defeat them. Fighting can be a tremendous release. It momentarily satisfies our base desire to exact revenge and to retaliate a wrong that has been suffered. But in the end, I discovered that violence begets violence.
One time in high school I decked a guy, only to discover the very next day that several of his buddies wanted to take a shot at me. I had my hands full for weeks. I learned that it really is eye for eye and tooth for tooth. At that age I was already too ugly to go around toothless and eyeless my whole life! Besides, it's not the Christian way.
In Matthew 5:38-41 (NIV) Jesus says, "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles." Jesus wanted his followers to break the cycle of violence and not perpetuate it.
The other extreme reaction we often take, especially as Christians, is passivity. We become like doormats and we allow difficult people to walk all over us. This is how we interpret Jesus' words in Matthew 5. We think the best response is no response. We think difficult people will repent when they see our inaction, hear our silence, taste our saltiness, or feel our love.
I don’t want to give the wrong impression. In high school I rarely stood up for myself. I’d only react when pushed to the most extreme limits. Most of the time I’d lick my wounds and struggle in quiet passivity, counting the days until I would become an upper classman or even better, graduate! I’d hold my tongue. I’d turn the other cheek. I’d go that extra mile. I’d quell my emotions and anger. I’d suppress my hurts. But my passivity only seemed to empower the difficult people around me. They were emboldened by my inaction and took their abuses to new heights.
In the same way, many of you are caught between the two extremes. You don’t want to just stand by as that difficult person inflicts fresh damage. But in the same vein you don’t want to become like him and sink to his level. So what are we to do with the difficult people in our lives? If not violence or passivity, then what? What would Jesus do?
Check back again for Part 2-IT GETS EVEN BETTER!!!!
This is a topic I have wrestled with most of my life... How am I to treat the difficult people (or as I often am heard calling them ~ "EGR"-Extra Grace Required ) that have been placed in my life? As I've searched scripture, picked the brains of women I admire-those who aren't afraid to speak truth yet do it in such a way as to build up not tear down, prayed ALOT and then moved in the way God directed I have come to this point in my life... It is truth & grace together with love! I must speak up WHEN God is leading me to! I must look inward WHEN God tells me to! It isn't always about the "other" person, sometimes it is as much about me as it is them! Learning the difference is challenging.
Today, thanks to a dear friend, I have read an article that can be found at this link that has put into words EXACTLY what I've tried to tell people when they ask me how I deal with the difficult people in my life.
I am going to repost the link in parts on here (and hopefully share some of my own thoughts too) so that you can all read and absorb with me what Lakeside Christian Church shared back in August 2003.
I try very hard not to "land" on what man says, I try to "land" on God's Word...I feel like this article takes an honest look at how we want to react... Yet it takes us back to Jesus, His teachings & His real-life example of how to respond to difficult people (or circumstances for that matter). THAT is why I appreciate the authors words so much and why I think they resonated so clearly to me. His "reactions" are very much my own...however, I am called to respond NOT react (another post on that in the future).
Read on won't you? (don't forget to leave your thoughts in the comments!! I LOVE to hear from you too)
PART 1-Difficult People
All of us have difficult people in our lives. My wife has been married to a difficult person for over seven years. She has tried to tell me what it's like, but I just won’t hear of it!
Difficult people are special. They are always there for us when others aren’t, but especially on our bad days. When all hope seems lost. They have an uncanny way of saying things that just dampens the day! They can always be counted on to bring out the worst in us, to be obtuse and disagreeable, to make easy things impossible, to put a negative spin on the things we do, to speak ill of us, or to ignite an inextinguishable fire in our bellies. You know, they do all the very same things Satan does.
The Bible says in Isaiah 40:6 (NIV), "All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of God remains forever." Something else that remains forever are difficult people. As much as we wish they would, they never go away!
I don’t think we have ever been taught how to deal with difficult people. I sure wish that I had been taught how to deal with difficult people when I was in high school. Those were some of the toughest years of my life. As a freshman, I had guys who bullied me daily. They'd insult and humiliate me in front of my friends, slam me into the locker, knock my books out of my hands, and destroy my art or shop projects. One guy blew snot on me. Those guys weren’t just difficult. They might also be characterized as evil.
Two poor strategies for dealing with difficult people
But I only knew how to respond with one of two extremes. The first extreme was to punch them in the mouth. To physically and violently react, to join them on their level, and give them a taste of their own medicine. In high school I did weight training not for athletic reasons, but for survival. I wanted to become stronger and tougher than my enemies so as to defeat them. Fighting can be a tremendous release. It momentarily satisfies our base desire to exact revenge and to retaliate a wrong that has been suffered. But in the end, I discovered that violence begets violence.
One time in high school I decked a guy, only to discover the very next day that several of his buddies wanted to take a shot at me. I had my hands full for weeks. I learned that it really is eye for eye and tooth for tooth. At that age I was already too ugly to go around toothless and eyeless my whole life! Besides, it's not the Christian way.
In Matthew 5:38-41 (NIV) Jesus says, "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles." Jesus wanted his followers to break the cycle of violence and not perpetuate it.
The other extreme reaction we often take, especially as Christians, is passivity. We become like doormats and we allow difficult people to walk all over us. This is how we interpret Jesus' words in Matthew 5. We think the best response is no response. We think difficult people will repent when they see our inaction, hear our silence, taste our saltiness, or feel our love.
I don’t want to give the wrong impression. In high school I rarely stood up for myself. I’d only react when pushed to the most extreme limits. Most of the time I’d lick my wounds and struggle in quiet passivity, counting the days until I would become an upper classman or even better, graduate! I’d hold my tongue. I’d turn the other cheek. I’d go that extra mile. I’d quell my emotions and anger. I’d suppress my hurts. But my passivity only seemed to empower the difficult people around me. They were emboldened by my inaction and took their abuses to new heights.
In the same way, many of you are caught between the two extremes. You don’t want to just stand by as that difficult person inflicts fresh damage. But in the same vein you don’t want to become like him and sink to his level. So what are we to do with the difficult people in our lives? If not violence or passivity, then what? What would Jesus do?
Check back again for Part 2-IT GETS EVEN BETTER!!!!
November 13, 2010
Keep Your Chin Up
One year ago today, we lost a wonderful woman,daughter, sister, wife, mother & friend... and heaven gained one beautiful angel. Her life was her family... those she loved the most. I was blessed to know her if only for a few short years. (12 to be exact...and boy did they pass quickly) Her life was her Lord...whom she loved above all else.
This was so very evident in her life...and her death. One year later, her children, husband, family & friends still miss her and yet their lives go on... on to do wonderful things and touch the lives of others because of the example she lived out... They don't want her message to die with her... her message (at least to me) was that God loves each one of us and He is faithful no matter what comes our way. Walk with Him for it is the ONLY journey worth walking...no matter where it takes you...even if it seems you've been taken too soon...Keep your chin up...not because your tough and it's what the world tells us... but because it keeps your eyes focused on Him!
"I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." Could I really? Could I really do ALL things...you see all means...well...all...even death Lord? Yes child, even death. Could I leave my family behind? I really don't know Lord... My child, if I called you home...I know you would come. Please trust me with those you love...I will never let them down.
So... I keep my chin up... eyes focused on my Savior... and when everything around me feels like it is falling apart or spinning out of control... I trust myself into His arms-the creator of the universe, who named every star, knows the number of hairs on my head, and promises He will never leave me. Well... at least I try really hard to do that! I need to be reminded every now & then to Keep My Chin Up!
Miss you Beth... know this though... you've left a legacy that will not end!
October 29, 2009
others some sadly self inflicted... Where do you turn when hurt-to The King or to other things?
October 28, 2009
Hurts n Healing
October 27, 2009
Revealing those hidden blooms
Hidden Blooms?
October 17, 2009
for you
who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.
When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God is
all you need.
Father, God bless my friend in whatever it is that You know they may
need this day! And may their life be full of your peace, prosperity,
and power as he/she seeks to have a closer relationship with you.
Amen.
October 16, 2009
What is keeping you from God's best today?
Hey all-I tried to mobile blog this am & it failed miserably!!! I cannot figure out WHY it keeps "wing-dinging" it for me... here I am... so this was what I WANTED to post this morning...
Good morning (afternoon now) on this rainy Friday! Since a blog is a place to share what we are pondering... here goes! I hope you're ready =) "Don't let discouragement dull your faith or procrastination steal your opportunity. You've go to decide whether you're going to accept what God has for you now and move forward OR return to 'your house'... because unfinished business can cause you to miss God's best (as can waiting for others-see John 5:70 NOTHING is more important than what God is saying and doing IN your life right now: NOT what's going on in your house, NOT the actions or opinions of others. What matters is being ready"-READY FOR WHAT GOD WANTS for you. What do you need to let go of OR leave behind in order to be ready for God's best?
There ya have it~what I am pondering today. Will you ponder with me? How do you let go of what is holding you back? Feel free to share in the comments below. I would love the tips and will gladly pray for ya!
Good morning (afternoon now) on this rainy Friday! Since a blog is a place to share what we are pondering... here goes! I hope you're ready =) "Don't let discouragement dull your faith or procrastination steal your opportunity. You've go to decide whether you're going to accept what God has for you now and move forward OR return to 'your house'... because unfinished business can cause you to miss God's best (as can waiting for others-see John 5:70 NOTHING is more important than what God is saying and doing IN your life right now: NOT what's going on in your house, NOT the actions or opinions of others. What matters is being ready"-READY FOR WHAT GOD WANTS for you. What do you need to let go of OR leave behind in order to be ready for God's best?
There ya have it~what I am pondering today. Will you ponder with me? How do you let go of what is holding you back? Feel free to share in the comments below. I would love the tips and will gladly pray for ya!
October 11, 2009
Doodles :)
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October 6, 2009
July 31, 2009
the Dance
Ok... I have borrowed this from another blogger-Billy...but it spoke so deeply to where I am right now that I just had to add it to my blog as well. You see life is full of stuff-good and bad-will we give up just because life happens or will we dance til the dance is done?
(Okay, I promise this will be the last repeat for a while. Promise. I've almost managed to surface from the mounds of balled-up paper surrounding me, but before my coffee buzz fades and I wind up in a heap in the middle of my bed, I want to say this:
I first wrote this post back in October, but it's haunted me ever since. Our small town has been rocked with the sudden passing of several people lately, and this was the first thing I thought about with every bit of sad news. Death is often a shock, isn't it? I wonder why that is considering it's common knowledge that we can't bolt the doors of our lives to its entry. But what you'll read here is good advice, offered to me by a very special little girl who thinks I teach her. I think it's the other way around.)
Here I am, a man in a most unmanly place, huddled together with four others in the same predicament. We talk sports and trucks and the year's corn crop and anything else with masculine connotations, if only to take our minds off our surroundings:
A ballet recital.
My six-year-old daughter has been taking ballet lessons for a month now. Tonight is the culmination of all that study and work, and it is an event that requires my presence. Thankfully, other fathers of other six-year-old daughters have been similarly persuaded. I have company.
Within our conversation, I watch my little girl. She twirls and steps and trips and repeats. And she laughs.
("I love the dance, Daddy," she has told me often. "I think God loves the dance, too.)
Another twirl and step, but two trips this time. She turns, looks at my wife, and wiggles a finger. Come here, Mommy. The two meet in the middle of the elementary school gym, and I know what's wrong. I excuse myself from the group and join them.
"My sugar's messy," she says. We retreat to the stands for her glucometer. Her reading is 389.
"We should go home," I say.
"We can't!" she pleads. "The dance isn't over." She looks back to her teacher and classmates. "God wants us all to dance until the dance is done. God loves the dance. He said so."
Both look to me. It's my decision, and I offer a reluctant shrug. Who am I to argue with God?
Smiling, she returns to her group. But I remain apart from mine. I am instead alone, lost in this little girl, in her spirit and her joy. She dances in spite of her disease. With her disease.
And her bow is deep at the end.
Our evening over, we are confronted in the parking lot by a sea of red and blue lights across the street. A mangled white car, it's top shorn, lay upside down in the median. Police, firemen, and rescue personnel scramble in choreographed chaos. A medical helicopter waits, blades churning, an angel of metal and wires, death and life.
My family stands silent.
"God bless the wrecked people," murmurs my son. We all join him, grasping hands in prayer.
My wife and I exchange a look. Our town is small, the identity of the injured likely an acquaintance. Come from the school, perhaps. Football practice. A child? One of my wife's students? Regardless, it was someone who was here and is now gone. Breathing and now not.
The suddenness of life presses into me. So fragile is our existence in this world, so easily taken and taken for granted. To love is to risk, and the opening of our hearts invites not only the warmth of joy, but fear's cold winds.
"How can I live with this fear?" I whisper to God.
Silence.
"How can I bask in your light while standing in this shadow?"
The helicopter blades swoosh.
"How must life be lived
("God wants us to dance until the dance is done," my daughter had said. "God loves the
dance.")
in the face of death?"
I look down at my child, safe in the crook of my arm. She rests her head on my shoulder
and sighs. She is safe here, in her father's arms. We are all safe there.
Yes, God loves the dance. And so should we. We should hear the music in this life, surrender to its rhythms. We should make its cadence our own.
And we should always dance until the dance is done.
(Okay, I promise this will be the last repeat for a while. Promise. I've almost managed to surface from the mounds of balled-up paper surrounding me, but before my coffee buzz fades and I wind up in a heap in the middle of my bed, I want to say this:
I first wrote this post back in October, but it's haunted me ever since. Our small town has been rocked with the sudden passing of several people lately, and this was the first thing I thought about with every bit of sad news. Death is often a shock, isn't it? I wonder why that is considering it's common knowledge that we can't bolt the doors of our lives to its entry. But what you'll read here is good advice, offered to me by a very special little girl who thinks I teach her. I think it's the other way around.)
Here I am, a man in a most unmanly place, huddled together with four others in the same predicament. We talk sports and trucks and the year's corn crop and anything else with masculine connotations, if only to take our minds off our surroundings:
A ballet recital.
My six-year-old daughter has been taking ballet lessons for a month now. Tonight is the culmination of all that study and work, and it is an event that requires my presence. Thankfully, other fathers of other six-year-old daughters have been similarly persuaded. I have company.
Within our conversation, I watch my little girl. She twirls and steps and trips and repeats. And she laughs.
("I love the dance, Daddy," she has told me often. "I think God loves the dance, too.)
Another twirl and step, but two trips this time. She turns, looks at my wife, and wiggles a finger. Come here, Mommy. The two meet in the middle of the elementary school gym, and I know what's wrong. I excuse myself from the group and join them.
"My sugar's messy," she says. We retreat to the stands for her glucometer. Her reading is 389.
"We should go home," I say.
"We can't!" she pleads. "The dance isn't over." She looks back to her teacher and classmates. "God wants us all to dance until the dance is done. God loves the dance. He said so."
Both look to me. It's my decision, and I offer a reluctant shrug. Who am I to argue with God?
Smiling, she returns to her group. But I remain apart from mine. I am instead alone, lost in this little girl, in her spirit and her joy. She dances in spite of her disease. With her disease.
And her bow is deep at the end.
Our evening over, we are confronted in the parking lot by a sea of red and blue lights across the street. A mangled white car, it's top shorn, lay upside down in the median. Police, firemen, and rescue personnel scramble in choreographed chaos. A medical helicopter waits, blades churning, an angel of metal and wires, death and life.
My family stands silent.
"God bless the wrecked people," murmurs my son. We all join him, grasping hands in prayer.
My wife and I exchange a look. Our town is small, the identity of the injured likely an acquaintance. Come from the school, perhaps. Football practice. A child? One of my wife's students? Regardless, it was someone who was here and is now gone. Breathing and now not.
The suddenness of life presses into me. So fragile is our existence in this world, so easily taken and taken for granted. To love is to risk, and the opening of our hearts invites not only the warmth of joy, but fear's cold winds.
"How can I live with this fear?" I whisper to God.
Silence.
"How can I bask in your light while standing in this shadow?"
The helicopter blades swoosh.
"How must life be lived
("God wants us to dance until the dance is done," my daughter had said. "God loves the
dance.")
in the face of death?"
I look down at my child, safe in the crook of my arm. She rests her head on my shoulder
and sighs. She is safe here, in her father's arms. We are all safe there.
Yes, God loves the dance. And so should we. We should hear the music in this life, surrender to its rhythms. We should make its cadence our own.
And we should always dance until the dance is done.
November 11, 2008
Tears & laughter
As I sat down to check e-mail, update my facebook and maybe chat with a few friends on line this morning, one e-mail caught my eye. I had a comment on one of my blog posts. So here I am...
It was on my laughter post... something I desperately needed to be reminded of today. I've had a somewhat tough week. Not as tough as some people by any means, but tears have been shed this week for many many different reasons-all too personal to share-but heartache none the less.
In the midst of all these tears, this morning I woke up and just wanted to crawl back under the covers & stay there all day long! In fact to be totally honest I got online this morning to watch a nice depressing music video cuz I just need a really good cry. :'-(
Life is like that sometimes, last night a piece of flair on facebook struck me (one that is on my board but I had forgotten). It reads: Crying....what makes things feel better when nothing else can. How true that is! The one thing I love is that I am free to cry-I wish it was easier to do, but I think as we become wives, moms, career women we feel that we shouldn't let other people see us cry. Is it seen as a sign of weakness? Should it be seen that way? Why do we let ourselves see it that way? Am I the only person who feels this way?
I feel as though I am rambling this morning for some reason. Maybe because I am just not sure how to feel today. I still have heartache to deal with-so there is a heaviness in my heart and tears in my eyes. Yet re-reading my post on laughter makes me want to just move on. But I'm not quite sure I'm ready to laugh yet... Why is that so hard sometimes too?
The thing I am most grateful for in all of this... My Lord and My God who is forever there to let me cry, yell, scream or laugh, giggle, chuckle with Him even sometimes at Him. And never once does He walk away, stomp off in anger, forget what makes you who you are or say hurtful words back. He is there to comfort me when I need it and laugh with me when I can.
Thanks for stopping by-I love to hear from you! Hope you have a blessed day! Tears & laughter-sometimes they just go hand in hand.
It was on my laughter post... something I desperately needed to be reminded of today. I've had a somewhat tough week. Not as tough as some people by any means, but tears have been shed this week for many many different reasons-all too personal to share-but heartache none the less.
In the midst of all these tears, this morning I woke up and just wanted to crawl back under the covers & stay there all day long! In fact to be totally honest I got online this morning to watch a nice depressing music video cuz I just need a really good cry. :'-(
Life is like that sometimes, last night a piece of flair on facebook struck me (one that is on my board but I had forgotten). It reads: Crying....what makes things feel better when nothing else can. How true that is! The one thing I love is that I am free to cry-I wish it was easier to do, but I think as we become wives, moms, career women we feel that we shouldn't let other people see us cry. Is it seen as a sign of weakness? Should it be seen that way? Why do we let ourselves see it that way? Am I the only person who feels this way?
I feel as though I am rambling this morning for some reason. Maybe because I am just not sure how to feel today. I still have heartache to deal with-so there is a heaviness in my heart and tears in my eyes. Yet re-reading my post on laughter makes me want to just move on. But I'm not quite sure I'm ready to laugh yet... Why is that so hard sometimes too?
The thing I am most grateful for in all of this... My Lord and My God who is forever there to let me cry, yell, scream or laugh, giggle, chuckle with Him even sometimes at Him. And never once does He walk away, stomp off in anger, forget what makes you who you are or say hurtful words back. He is there to comfort me when I need it and laugh with me when I can.
Thanks for stopping by-I love to hear from you! Hope you have a blessed day! Tears & laughter-sometimes they just go hand in hand.
July 29, 2008
Pondering
As I sit here with my coffee, catching up with Facebook friends, reading Blogs I haven't been to in awhile, checking e-mail-you know all those normal things we do with the computer I was struck by what a world we live in today.
I was able to actually chat with several friends all at the same time and it was a real time conversation-isn't that an interesting phrase-a real time conversation. So what exactly is that?
Once we called it getting together or hanging out with our friends! That was the ONLY way possible to have a real-time conversation-actually face to face (ok maybe over the phone) many times it was one on one-as in the phone conversation or small groups when we'd hang out (or play depending on our age at the time).
Now real-time conversations are crazy! Even as I sit here writing-I just got to chat on Facebook with someone briefly. AIM, txting (which is my new favorite hobby), Facebook chat, im, telephone, and the list goes on. You literally could have real-time conversations with everyone all at the same time (or at least how ever many your computer could support). Sometimes it seems like madness.
I am just as addicted to the gadgets of this day as the next person! But sometimes it is so good to disconnect ourselves from it. Everything today seems so INSTANT! We have forgotten how to be patient. How can we get that back again?
I am a prime example of that many times-most recently when txting. If I send a txt and don't get a reply in like 10 seconds I am fidgety, constantly looking at my phone sometimes I even talk to it! LOL I need that disconnect from all things gadget! HELP!
Until next time-thanks for reading my rambles
I was able to actually chat with several friends all at the same time and it was a real time conversation-isn't that an interesting phrase-a real time conversation. So what exactly is that?
Once we called it getting together or hanging out with our friends! That was the ONLY way possible to have a real-time conversation-actually face to face (ok maybe over the phone) many times it was one on one-as in the phone conversation or small groups when we'd hang out (or play depending on our age at the time).
Now real-time conversations are crazy! Even as I sit here writing-I just got to chat on Facebook with someone briefly. AIM, txting (which is my new favorite hobby), Facebook chat, im, telephone, and the list goes on. You literally could have real-time conversations with everyone all at the same time (or at least how ever many your computer could support). Sometimes it seems like madness.
I am just as addicted to the gadgets of this day as the next person! But sometimes it is so good to disconnect ourselves from it. Everything today seems so INSTANT! We have forgotten how to be patient. How can we get that back again?
I am a prime example of that many times-most recently when txting. If I send a txt and don't get a reply in like 10 seconds I am fidgety, constantly looking at my phone sometimes I even talk to it! LOL I need that disconnect from all things gadget! HELP!
Until next time-thanks for reading my rambles
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